relationships are hard: how to argue + keep it moving

If you’ve been here before, you know I’m a happily married, 27 year old, dog mom. My husband, Greg, and I relocated to Columbus just under a year ago and have ridden the relocation roller coaster ever since. The greatest thing to come out of this move is the realization that if we did it once, we could do it again and we can concur rough times TOGETHER.

Anyway, I’ve said this before, but major changes in a relationship like getting married, moving across state lines, moving in together, getting a pet (yes, thats a big relationship move to me) can be hard and they really show you what you and your relationship are made of.

So, this may or may not come as a surprise to some of you, but Greg and I disagree sometimes (crazy, right?!). We’re pretty different and have had completely different life experiences and upbringings. I was raised by a single mother (props to you, ma, you’re the greatest) and Greg grew up in a two-parent house hold (props to my in-laws because they’re literally two of the most fun, loving people you’ll ever meet).

I think our differences are what have actually kept us as connected as we are. We’ve learned a lot from each other. We’ve talked about the kind of parents we do or don’t want to be, the kind of life we want to live, and how we want to treat each other. That all sounds wonderful, right? but, honestly, like most things, it’s not perfect. We’re not always on the same page because well, we’re human.

So what’s the key?

I’m sure in your relationship, you want to be the best you. You want that Will and Jada, your happiness is yours and mine is mine and then we bring it together and we’re a whole big pot of happiness, kind of relationship. SAME!

Great, so what’s the key to being on the right page and navigating through rough waters together?

Patience!

(ask my long time friends about how patient I am… they’ll laugh)

It seems so simple; just be patient with your partner and yourself and your garden of love and happiness will be in full bloom in no time! It’s not, it’s hard work, but you got this!

After I get into any kind of disagreement with anyone (not just Greg) I reflect on a few things…

Let’s try something:

Think about the last argument you had with your partner….

  1. Think about what you were upset about, how you expressed your frustration, and what the outcome of the argument was (or did you even come to a resolution)?
  2. Think about how you could have done any of that better. Were you upset about something they said? or something they did that you’ve pointed out before that they just keep doing?
  3. Did you express yourself from a compassionate, understanding, and loving place? or did you say something passive and try to hit them where it hurts?

Finally, what happened in the end? Did you talk about the problem, come up with a way to keep it from happening again, and move on? THIS is the most important part. The resolution. I’ve seen and done the whole ‘argue and sweep it under the rug thing’ and TRUST ME that is NOT a resolution. That’s a “we’re good for right now, but that dirt will be back later and it’ll bring friends-olution”.

In any disagreement or argument, remember that everyone involved is just a person. A normal person who has feelings, makes mistakes, has different life experiences, different perspectives, etc and TRY to be understanding. Try to reach a point where both sides understand what happened and want to make it right. if you can’t do this, you’re arguing with the wrong people because anybody who gives a poop about you will make an effort to make sure your relationship or friendship is in good standing.

Thanks for reading! Share your thoughts with me in the comments.Dont be afraid to add something to the conversation (your personal experience, your own struggles, etc), I REALLY want to learn about you too!

with love & gratitude,

stef

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Celebrating 4 years with Greg wearing ShowPo!

Greg and I celebrate four years together today! He took me to dinner at a wonderful little restaurant in Victorian Village here in Columbus! I wore this adorable outfit from ShowPo.

Shop this skirt here!
it’s TTS i’m in a 6
Shop the tank here!
it’s TTS I’m wearing a 4 here, if you want a little more room in the top I would size up one size.

ShowPo is based out of Australia and as soon as you click these links and check out their site, I promise you’ll be hooked! Their clothes are adorable and you’ll be surprised by how quickly your order arrives with standard shipping! I LOVE this brand and if you tag them in your instagram post they’ll likely send you a 15% off coupon! what could be better?

My new favorite sandals are Mix 6 and available at DSW! these are linked in my ‘Shop My Instagram’ page, but you can also shop them here !

Share your date night looks with me!

with love & gratitude,

stef

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Me & Greg…

We got married at Arrow Park in Monroe,NY – The ceremony was outside and the reception was indoors.

Greg and I got married in July and it was beautiful, in every sense of the word. I will unapologetically gush about my husband any chance I get because to me, he’s freaking amazing. I’ve learned more about myself from this man than I ever could have imagined. He’s the most supportive, kind, generous, genuine person I’ve ever met and he’s not afraid to be himself (I admire that about him the most). We’ve been through a lot together and we’ve grown a lot together. I think (maybe I’m wrong here) that some people in my life have this perception of me being this sort of overly-strong, independent, bossy, etc. woman who calls all the shots and doesn’t need anyone to help her (or maybe that’s just how I see myself in which case hello someone needs therapy LOL). Anyway, yes, I’ve had some things happen in my life that have forced me to be a ‘strong’ person, but the truth is, I need Greg and I’m not ashamed to say it. I need him for all of the things he does for me that nobody knows about or that I don’t even think he knows about. Greg pushes me to be confident, to make decisions, to put myself out there and he does all of this just by being himself. Pretty damn amazing, right?!

linked my wedding dress here

Greg and I met in NYC. I was out celebrating my friends’ birthday (Jen) and he was out with a couple of guy friends.  We were sitting at different tables (he was sitting directly behind me) when my friend, Kristine, got up and asked him if he could “watch me” while she stepped away (LOL). The rest is history. We actually didn’t see each other again for about two weeks (my foolishness) but once we did we pretty much stuck together. We met on April 18th and we mark that day as our (dating) anniversary. I told Greg we would get married the night I met him, so I think it’s safe to mark the day down as special (don’t judge me).

When we first met, I think we were both a little lost. He says he finally realized he needed to settle down and “get it together” and well, I think I was just sort of walking through life not really knowing which direction I wanted to go in. Needless to say, I went in the right direction because it brought me to him! Meeting Greg honestly strengthened my faith. I’m not super religious, but God is my homie (lol). Like, for real, I’m that person that believes every blessing in their life is because of God. Hate it or love it but it’s the reason I do my best to live right and do right by others. Don’t lie, don’t cheat, don’t manipulate, don’t take what isn’t yours, etc. I think all of those things block your blessings, so I avoid them. I consider Greg a blessing. He’s brought so many wonderful things into my life (family, love, friendship, companionship, happiness, etc.) and we’ve been blessed with so many things, things that you can’t put a price tag on!

Whenever either of us is feeling down or unhappy with where we are, where we live, or what we’re doing with our lives, we look at the things we have to be grateful for. For example, sure, maybe we would like to have different jobs or live in a different place, but the jobs we have make it so that we can spend time together on the weekends and experience different cities and the place we live may not be where we want to be forever, but right down the road from us is a place that’s loaded with art and fun restaurants!

Anyway, Greg is my best friend (the ultimate best friend). He’s been really supportive of me starting this blog and encourages me to share more and not worry about any negativity it may bring. What more could a girl ask for?! I would be remiss if I didn’t write a post about my favorite person! I think what makes us work is the fact that we’re two separate people, who don’t depend on one another to make them better or make them happy. Greg is Greg and I’m me and we each bring 100% of ourselves to the table. Sometimes it isn’t perfect, but we keep pushing on. I know, I’m young and we haven’t been married very long BUT this is my experience so far and I started this blog to share my life so there you have it!

With love & gratitude,

stef

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