#lifebySB Archives - IN ONE LONG LIFE

Stef 12.12.19 Beauty

FROM FLAT IRON TO DIFFUSER

why I went from being a flat-ironing, straight-hair loving fanatic, to a diffuser-using, curly hair loving normal person

Have you been hiding your curly hair for years? Spending hours blowdrying it and flat ironing it to get the perfect, frizz-free, straight look? If your answer is yes, than you’re just like me!

I spent years hating my hair. I’ve been yanking my curls straight ever since the day I turned thirteen. It felt better to have straight hair, like somehow it made me prettier and I fit in more, but none of that actually happened, I was a “loser”in middle school and (let’s be honest) high school too. It’s safe to say, no one liked me more because of my hair.

Although, I think wearing it straight gave everyone one LESS thing to make fun of me about (shout out to all the people who made fun of me for not being able to afford a juicy track suit, called me sandy cheeks because of my teeth, called me beetle juice, etc, etc.)

now that that’s out of the way…

Straight hair made me feel normal. Growing up, having tight curls was like getting dealt a bad hand. It wasn’t “pretty” to have frizzy roots and patches of dry hair. For the first few years of my life, I wore my curls out, but I envied my friends with effortlessly beautiful, straight, shiny hair. I wanted it too.

and I would have it at all costs…

I’d spend hours at the hair salon every week getting my long mane blown out and flat ironed. They would wash my hair, put it in rollers, sit me under a dryer for TWO hours, blow my hair straight, then flat iron it. The whole process took about 3.5 hours.

I don’t even want to tell you how many hours I’ve spent JUST trying to get my hair straight. All of the Keratin treatments, Brazilian blow outs, relaxers, the list goes on and on.

my hair now

When quarantine started, Greg and I were in Florida. It was humid, hot and the thought of standing in the bathroom for two hours with a blow-dryer and a flat iron seemed like hell. So, I said screw this; One day after washing my hair I thought “i’ll straighten it next week”. As the weeks went on, I started to research ways to get my curls back, make them healthy-looking again, and I stopped straightening.

It seems INSANE, but not having to worry about spending all of that time on my hair is so liberating. And I actually like myself more. I actually like my hair. I cannot wait until all of keratin-treated damage grows out and my REAL curls have their day. For now, I’m settling for my very confused, curly, wavy mess.

And now, I only straighten my hair ONCE every 6-8 weeks when I have it cut. I know many people completely stop doing that when they start their curly hair journey, but I like to have options. Even though I love my curls, I still like having the freedom to switch it up sometimes.

Are you on a natural hair journey too? What are your healthy hair secrets?

Products I love for my curls:

Rizos Curl Defining Cream

Rizos Curl Refreshing Spray

Refresh & Detangle Spray Rizos Curls hair products no frizz between wash days

Rizos Diffuser

with love & gratitude,

steph

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Stef 12.12.19 #lifebySB

MIRENA IUD + ENDOMETRIOSIS

I have endometriosis and over the last ten years, I’ve tried a few different types of birth control to manage my symptoms.

Endometriosis is incurable and painful. My journey with it has been long (and winding), but I’ve learned a lot.

For starters, my body doesn’t love birth control. I know you’re probably thinking you’re married, just have a baby and problem solved. It’s true that pregnancy does help ease the symptoms of endo, but I’m just not there yet. So, my search for the perfect symptom management drug/tool continues.

About 8 months ago I had another surgery (an excision of endometriosis). It went well and my doctor implanted the Mirena IUD. I was kind of excited. I had read good things about it and wasn’t too worried that I would suffer many of the side effects.

Honestly, I should have known better. As I said earlier my body doesn’t love birth control (*I had a 3-month cycle once, all while on birth control (a story for another time)). It has a history of not responding very well to it, but I thought this would be different.

after a couple of months…

About two months in, I started to gain weight. Granted, it was the holiday season and then COVID hit, but I gained more than I expected to.

*If you’ve been here before you may have read my post on The F*uck it Diet, it’s helped me accept myself quite a bit.

On top of that, my skin did a complete 360 (in the worst way). I developed hormonal cystic acne on my chin and jaw line. I do know a thing or two about skin care, so believe me when I say I have tried a FEW different remedies for this. Unfortunately, hormonal acne is just difficult to get rid of.

a few days after removal

Cut to last Thursday, I had the Mirena removed and started on Sprintec. It’s only been a few days, but I already feel better. I’ve truly already seen an improvement in my skin. While i still have a few bumps, the overall texture of my skin has started to improve. I can’t say the same for my moods, but i’m sure that has something to do with my hormones trying to readjust.

Have you ever or do you currently have the Mirena IUD? How has your body responded to it?

Share your experiences with me in the comments.

with love & gratitude,

Steph

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Stef 12.12.19 Personal Growth

THE TRUTH ABOUT ‘THE F*CK IT DIET’

I’ve spent countless hours obsessing over my weight. You probably have to, or maybe you haven’t and in that case – high fives!

But, if you’re like me, you’ve probably tried a number of different diets, weight loss tricks, restriction methods, exercise programs, and the list goes on and on. It’s been a long, exhausting road – only to basically end up exactly where I started.

A few months ago, I bought The F*ck it Diet and it’s changed me. Obviously, it’s a process and a long winding road to get to the point of self-acceptance, but I’m on it. My mentality in regards t my body-image has completely changed, and I’ve actually started to kind of like myself???

Here’s a list of a bunch of crap I’ve tried, succeeded at, and then ended up right back where I started:

flat tummy teas

These are bullshit and the people who sell them to you online have either tricked themselves into believing they work or will actually do anything if the $$ amount on the check is big enough. They will help you detox, but a detox is a short-term solution to losing a little bit of weight, not body fat.

Don’t believe me? read this – scroll down to ‘Why should I trust this product?

laxatives

Yes, I would actually take a few stool softeners or laxatives when I ate too much or felt a little bloated and NOT because I ACTUALLY needed them. I took them because I wanted my stomach to feel flat the next day. Guess what? Half the time that doesn’t work and it’s not an actual fix for anything. You will not lose actual fat because you took a laxative. You will lose water weight and other bodily waste…which will come back – incase that wasn’t obvious.

weight watchers

THIS. I used to LOVE talking about how WW was the diet that let you eat “whatever you want!”. You just have to obsessively track every. single. little. thing you eat. And feel guilty when you go over your daily points (they also give you weekly points just in case you go over on your daily ones, but in my opinion, it’s just a trap).

Fun fact – movie popcorn is probably the only reason I actually go to a movie-theater. I always get an order of popcorn and chocolate covered almonds and eat them together and feel unbelievable amounts of joy.

When on WW, I would bring shitty, low-calorie popcorn that I made in my microwave at home and a small amount of chocolate. It was NOT fun, and I wasn’t satisfied. And look, I get it. If you want something badly, you will likely have to sacrifice something else to get it. BUT you should not be sacrificing food…. Your body needs food. Your body was designed to understand when it had enough food. Stop trying to “trick” your body into doing weird things that science will just tell it not to do anyway!

low carb/no carb –

I know this works. It WILL help you lose weight. I’ve tried it, I lost 20 lbs. I wore smaller clothes. Then, one day, I REALLY wanted a French fry. NOTHING was going to stop me. I had denied myself of French fries for long enough and I needed one. So, I had one. Then, I had bread, pasta, rice, EVERY CARB I COULD. And I was done with my low-carb diet. The end.

Basically, this is just like everything else. If you have the gusto to really stick to this, you’re amazing and I salute you. However, it’s just not natural.

obsessive + hard-core exercising

Another fun fact: I hate exercise. At least, I thought I hated it and now I know why. I’ve tried boxing, kickboxing, Orange Theory, HIIT, etc, etc, etc. I hated all of it. My body KILLED me after every class and not in the “I’m sore” way. In the “omg my back feels like it’s going to crack in half” way.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think exercise should make you feel that way. I don’t think you should FORCE yourself to do something you genuinely don’t love. Find exercise that suits you. For me that’s riding a bike, going for a walk, paddle boating, dacning – all things that don’t HURT me. All things that I actually love.

That’s all I’m saying there. Do things you and your body love. Why put yourself through shit that doesn’t make you happy?

Much like The F*ck it Diet I’m not telling you to NOT do any of these things, I’m simply sharing my personal experience with them. Honestly, they ALL worked, they all brought the number on the scale down. None of them made me happy though. None of them made me feel like I accepted myself more. ALL of them ended with me bingeing and moving onto another diet.

and here’s the point of this whole post:

I’m trying to accept myself for exactly where I’m at. NOT at the weight I think I NEED to be in order to feel happy and content with myself. I mean, I could die tomorrow and never have been happy with my appearance. How insane is that? All because I wanted to fit into a certain size or look a certain way.

and ANOTHER THING…. No one else really cares what you look like. If your parents, family, friends, spouse, significant other or ANYONE else put you down because of your weight, they suck. Sorry, that’s harsh, but it’s true.

If you relate to any of these things, I SERIOUSLY encourage you to check out The F*ck it Diet.

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Stef 12.12.19 #lifebySB

in a world full of influencers and entrepreneurs

…just be yourself and do whatever makes you happy

Sometimes functioning normally is too hard. Last week, someone told me I was spreading myself too thin.

I think I’m pretty young (28), and right now, the cool thing to do is “hustle” so that’s what I’m doing (duh). Everyone is trying to be an influencer or an entrepreneur. We want to be our own boss and make a name for ourselves without relying on some big corporate giant to employ us (at least that’s true for me). It’s a lot of pressure.

Aside from all that, we’re trying to eat less, work out more, spend time with our friends, get married, buy a house, have babies, make time for self- care and self-love (whatever that is), and keep it all together without being honest about how difficult all of that is. Basically, just do what is expected of you without complaining because other people do it and there are no excuses.

I want to be this person…

The one who everyone can come to when they need her, the perfect, understanding wife, the woman who is super excited about maybe having a kid in a couple of years, the friend who texts or calls at least once a week to see how you’re doing, the daughter who is accomplished and successful, and the list goes on. As I type this, I actually feel my arms going numb. Because it’s daunting. Am I right?!

Not sure why I feel like I “should”

Seriously though, why do we feel like we should be doing certain things? Or we should accomplish something by a specific time in our lives? (everyone has an opinion – here’s what I think about that)

Someone else (I can’t remember who, but if it was you, please remind me) told me to stop worrying about what I should do and start focusing on whats happening right now. Perhaps that would keep me from spreading myself so thinly.

Living in the present is such a foreign concept to me. To be honest, I think it is for most people. When you think about it, most of what we do is for our future selves. Like if we keep plugging away at something, we’ll get to the point where we’re happy and we have everything we need. That bank account will reflect the perfect balance, that home will be our dream home, etc.

it just isn’t realistic –

To think we’ll ever get there. Because there is a chance we wont. Simply because we won’t allow ourselves to. We always want more. There will always be a thing that improves our current reality and that’s just the truth.

So maybe the answer is just to live in the present moment. Think about where you are right now –

What about it fulfills you? and if it doesn’t,
Why are you there?
How are you going to improve your current reality?

I asked myself those question 3 months ago

And that’s why I’m “spreading myself too thin” right now. And really living in the moment everywhere I am.

with love & gratitude,

steph (sometimes spelled stef) ;P

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Stef 12.12.19 #lifebySB

forced positivity won’t solve your problems

Clearing out physical and mental space can be pretty liberating. Over the past few weeks (during my hiatus), I’ve been cleaning house… literally. My closet has been cleaned out, clothes and shoes have been sold and donated, rooms have been saged; it’s been an experience.

All of this happened prior to the holidays. I was feeling super positive and inspired, ready to manifest damn near anything my heart desired.

then, I hit a wall

A figurative wall. I had surgery (an excision of endometriosis – shout out to my fellow endo-sufferers) and I was home eating crap for about two weeks. Now, you might be thinking “two weeks off of work sounds wonderful, there’s so much time to get things done.” On the contrary, I was pretty out of commission for most of the time. I quickly discovered that sitting around all day watching Netflix for days on end does not do it for me. As a matter of fact, I don’t think I’ve ever felt so complacent.

It sucked. I felt so great only days before having surgery; my space felt clean, my mind felt clear. I felt like the world was at my fingertips and I was just about to make shit happen.

what was going on?!

Let’s be real, I had had surgery, my hormones were whacked out. It felt like no matter how “positive” my attitude was, my reality wasn’t changing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about mind over matter. I love thinking positively and attracting good things. I genuinely think that stuff works. However, in order for that to work, you really have to believe it. Fake it till you make it is not real, my friends. You can fake anything you want (to everyone else), but when your mind isn’t right, nothing else will be either. No matter how great it looks on the outside.

accepted that BS and moved on…

Is exactly what I did. And guess what? it worked! I just let myself feel it. The overwhelming feelings of self-doubt, lack of inspiration, confusion and sadness. I let them all happen. Pretty much bathed myself in that ish. What I began to realize was that letting myself feel those things was actually helping me to feel better. I knew there was really nothing in my reality that warranted those feelings, so I reminded myself of that. It’s ok to have seasons of sadness or confusion. They are most often met by seasons of clarity and inspiration (at least for me they are).

just stop with the fake smile

As Ariana Grande would put it, “f**k a fake smile” (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, next time you’re feeling meh or blah, listen to that song). I’m not saying being a jerk to the people around you, but don’t appear to be feeling something that you aren’t feeling. People can sense your BS and it doesn’t feel good inside either.

All of this made me realize that trying to force myself to “think positively” wasn’t necessarily going to make positive things happen. In order for positive things to happen, we have to believe they will. You have to wholeheartedly believe that positive things can and will happen for you. If you genuinely believe that, you’ll move through the world that way. As opposed to just telling yourself that until you believe it. You get me?

If any of this resonated with you, let me know! I love your comments and feedback.

Stay tuned for my next post about how this discovery has positively impacted my life!

with love & gratitude,

steph